Wednesday was a great day for me. I was motivated and peppy, my children were cooperative people that I enjoyed being around. It was great, everything in place. I spent the entire morning getting the laundry washed. I did every dish in the sink (there were a lot), Cleaned the sink itself! Washed the counters, cabinets, floors. Took out bags of trash and recycling. Wiped the inside of the fridge. Hung up jackets and found all the random missing toddler shoes. I picked up all the toys and Coraline helped! My house was so much cleaner, I was relaxed.
Wait, was this a dream? Because this is what my kitchen looks like right now...
I feel like this should be somewhat embarrassing but seriously, what the hell? How does that happen. I JUST cleaned this room from top to bottom. Did I host a party for monkeys that I was unaware of? I feel like we are under some kind of marshal law where all rules of keeping clean or even freaking tidy are thrown out the door. I know it's just a mess and it's not a big deal and i would say 80% of my readers have to have a room that looks like this right now and if you don't? Congratulations on being able to afford a maid.
This is part of being a mother of 2. This is something I have learned. With just one baby/toddler, I didn't respect and enjoy how easy it was in the moment. Being a first time mom feels so overwhelming, so much more difficult then life as a non parent. It isn't until you have another child that it hits you...shit, I just lost every ounce of spare time that I didn't even realize I had. If you are pregnant or just had a baby, I don't want to scare you, just telling it like it is. Feel free to correct me if I am just making broad generalizations based only on my life. My experience as a writer however, leads me to believe I'm on target with this one.
After careful thought and discussions with my husband, I have actually decided to cut back on some things so I have the time to focus on things like my house and children. I took a leave of absence from Boston Babywearers, which is an awesome group that I am very proud to be the Vice President of, I just need a break. In the 9 months since Arya was born, I have seriously lacked the drive to do what I love the most; write this blog and connect with parents all over the place. Writing is a passion I have had for a very long time, I am making the commitment to myself now to become better.
One of my favorite parts of being a 32 year old adult (and their aren't many) is I actually recognize that I do hold a lot of wisdom. Something parents try to instill in children, is that you can't rush growing up, you have to experience life. Then one day, you are 32 years old and put in a situation that you have been preparing for your entire life. For me it was, this situation feels negative to me, I am not having fun and I don't feel appreciated at the moment. When I was 22, I would have fought it out, I would have cried, I would have been inconsolable. I would have stayed, doing something that was making me unhappy for a very long time. But now, now I know that I have the right to say "This isn't working for me. I will not put myself in a negative place. I'm going to step back." The best part is? Instead of feeling guilty for leaving, I feel great for having wisdom and strength to be the person I am.
So ya know, my house is a mess, but I am really happy. I'll just clean it, no big deal. Writing is therapy for me, I started this post feeling completely overwhelmed by the mess and writing for The Girl Is A Mom is like chatting with a good friend, you feel so much better when you get it all out.
And because I probably tricked you into thinking this was going to be all about cleaning and messes... I will leave you this picture of Arya's feet and knees. I mean really I am not lying when I say I mopped this floor this morning. Those are not shadows my friends, that is just a crawling baby with extremely dirty knees and feet. What. The. Hell.